Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Lend Me An Ear ...

Never have liked folks who always whine and
complain; so instead of just grousing about the potential problems with risk-based lending, thought I'd offer up some more positive solutions to boost your credit union's lending... 

Has your loan-to-share ratio plummeted to a new low?  Is your expense ratio getting as tight as your teenager's jeans?  No problem.  Here are ten time-tested, sure-fire methods of increasing loans, boosting profitability and protecting your bonus:
1) Lower Credit Standards:  Just a little, it won't hurt (much!). You've tightened up too much, stimulate a little demand! C'mon take a walk on the supply side!

2) Make Long-Term Fixed Rate Loans - and Book'em!:  Drop the paternalism; stop trying to give members what they need - give 'em what they want!  Earnings will be great; and you've been around long enough to "time the market" and sell early before the upturn!
3) Offer Incentives for Loan Officers:  Heck, the more the merrier!  You want performance?  You gotta pay these days to create a little excitement and to spark their interest - especially their "self" interest and "conflict of" interest! 
4) Purchase Loans from Out-of-State Lenders:  Claim it's diversification and book some great up-front fees too! You can really spread your risks by having a few bad loans in every state!
5) Develop a Taste for Loan Participations:  The rates and terms are simply fantastic!!!!
6) Buy Asset-Backed Securities and Novel
Derivatives:  Innovation is the key to our future success and "synthetic" loans are the future.  Can't miss with this!  The underlying assumptions are absolutely empirical!  The brokers just exude confidence and they must know what they're doing, 'cause Guccis, Rolexes, and gold chains ain't cheap!
7) Trumpet Credit Cards:  Stop whining about bankruptcy, your members aren't worried about it!  Why be such a stick-in-the-mud?  Credit cards aren't any more dangerous than handguns!
8) Make Commercial Loans:  There isn't any real difference between consumer loans and commercial loans; same process, just much bigger bucks!  Let's stop hitting singles and swing for the fences!
9) "Sell" Loans To The Membership:  Don't you want to help cure this recession?  Let's help members shop 'til they drop! Nobody said their entire head had to be above water; keep lending until you can't see their noses!
10) Make Indirect Car Loans:  We're losing market share!!!  If the member is going to get shafted anyway, the least we can do is make it convenient!  Get in bed with these guys; sleep around a little; it won't hurt their reputation.

But for the very best professional advice, check around Monte Carlo or on the beaches of Jamaica where the "best and brightest" lending gurus  live very comfortably; circling like sharks, the "scent of  blood" rising from "lending innovations" now once again surfacing within the credit union movement....

Don't Worry, Be Happy!!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

11. Implement the "I promise to pay loan". No forms to fill out, no payment books or coupons, no mean pay up letters to be sent, no envelopes or stamps to send in payments, no need to fill out a membership card, everyone is automatically in the FOM. Each week the loan enforcer will actually pick up payment. Charge the interest rate you wish but make it high because the goal is to make as much money as you can.For further details contact Vito's School of Hard Knocks Lending.