Sunday, January 03, 2016

New Year Irresolutions...

Well, January is here; and, for the umpteenth consecutive year, I've welcomed the New Year perfectly unprepared.  What's all the rush, anyway?  The "to do" list for last year still has plenty of life left in it!

Deck The Halls!
You can bet this isn't going to happen again.  New Year,  New Chance,  New Plan!!  I've resolved to make some major changes this year!!!

Sound familiar?  It ain't going to happen, folks.  We're all lying from the get-go and we know it.  Major changes always seem to give way to our list of less important things to do.  Those unusual moments of January decisiveness, quickly fall victim to the security of our "you first" courage and our "un-rock the boat" mentality.  Reality ends up being let's hurry up and get hunkered back down in that old rut.  Let's get that derriere covered as quickly as possible!

So, admit it; we're all completely human.  But, don't despair; there is one project on which you can make some progress in the New Year.  Up for it?

Never Again!!! 
(Until 2017!)
Go stand in front of the mirror.  Good looking, intelligent, charming opportunity, isn't it (How can one improve upon perfection, you ask?)  Now, now!  You and I both know the reason we check our appearance in a mirror.  It's because we're concerned someone may see us as we really are!

Willing to take a chance on a little private soul polishing this year?  Won't hurt at all; and, I promise no diets, no exercise routines, no quit smoking campaigns.
New Year, New Look!

Try a few of these; and keep in mind, the best things in life are thee:
  • Shoes - Wear an unmatched pair of shoes for a week.  If you have nice ankles, mismatch your socks, too!  Feign surprise if confronted. You'll encounter some interesting people....and find out who likes to watch you!
  • Cold Shower - Some morning pretend that the hot water is off and take a completely cold shower. (Doesn't the thought alone just ...!) Builds your character mightily, clears out any "attitudes", and you can invent new dance steps!
  • Work Laugh - Laugh out loud hysterically at work. (If you can't think of anything that funny, see "cold shower" above. Can you picture your boss dancing around "stark" in a cold shower?)  If asked "What was that about?"; claim you wish you could say, but you can't.  Wait 10 minutes and do it again...  
  • Rain - Stop running through summer rain storms. Walk! Arriving for an important appointment dripping wet and barefoot with socks and shoes (mismatched, no less!) in hand guarantees a sympathetic reception.  You won't have to think up what to say first.
If you don't have time to change the world this year, at least try and shake it up a bit will you?  Work on that image in the mirror!  Hey, you look like a really interesting individual, but did you know that your shoes.....and what were you laughing about...

Y'know, if you're expecting to be forgiven, you're gonna have to do your part!  Gotta' get out there and "sin a little" first!  There isn't any doubt that the shortest distance between two points equals a pretty dull life.  So, watch out for rainbows this year and take a few chances on that other fork in the road!  OK?  Got it?

Remember:  Life is short, so drink champagne every chance you have.....

What?  You'd rather start a diet???


Anonymous said...

You gotta live life to its fullest for it is not a dress rehearsal.

Lew Stubbs said...

One Sunday last spring I had the opening prayer and scripture reading duty at our church. While the opening music was playing I was sitting up on the chancel (a raised stage like thing) and looked down sure enough two unmatched shoes, one black the other brown. Sat there for the entire service and only one person mentioned the anomaly. You guessed it, my wife.

So don’t think folks are too observant or maybe they are just too polite.

Anonymous said...

Lew, is is possible this was not the first time you mismatched? Perhaps the church goers have seen it so often that they believe that is how you dress. And maybe your wife finally decided to say something and start the new year right.