As luck would have it, a recently resolved court case (State of NC vs. Mark Edward Fly) may have provided us with a whole new strategic opening for a campaign to repeal the Durbin Amendment. The NC State Court of Appeals has now officially affirmed every North Carolinians' - and presumably yours, too! - God-given, Constitutional right to publicly "moon" one another. Most of y'all probably think I'm making this up; butt, no kidding, I'm not. This ruling truly has broad implications.
The mooning controversy has been a closely watched case in North Carolina; probably second in importance only to the high interest in what Charlie Sheen may or may not say next. The arguments of the opposing attorneys in this case were fully developed and well-rounded; and, the judges carefully and dutifully scrutinized the evidence from all angles. The bare facts of the case were hotly debated and even the ultimate decision was highly contentious. The ruling of the Court, in fact, was not unanimous; which, in North Carolina, has given a whole new depth of meaning to the concept of a split decision. But, bless the majority; our basic mooning rights have been preserved!
Now, I realize that many of you still believe that we, in the South, are culturally deprived and morally backward; butt, with this important decision, I hope you all agree, we are no longer behind the times. Clearly we're not at the bottom when it comes to freedom of expression! On this issue we're way ahead of the curve. We've long enjoyed the Constitutional right in this Country to bear arms; and, in North Carolina we've now reaffirmed your right not only to bear arms but to also bare your ... uh .. well, whatever.
Mooning may give us the chance we were seeking to become more aggressive in our lobbying efforts against the interchange issue. This could truly have the potential to become a grassroots, bottom-up call to political action. Can't you just picture a "Million Moon March" on Washington by credit union volunteers seeking repeal of this anti-consumer Congressional overreach? This could be an excellent opportunity for Bill Cheney to demonstrate his up-front, in your face leadership style. Bill, of course, will be our "point man" on the Campaign. Can anyone doubt that we'd get a lot of exposure from this effort? We could really let it all hang out and show Congress how we feel about their lack of support for repeal of a bad law which will financially devastate credit unions - both large and small. They just might get the message that we want them to really get behind this issue!
There are several very practical, political advantages to a "New Moon" phase to the Campaign for Interchange Repeal. First, for political organizational purposes, it will be real easy to get everyone lined up and headed in the same direction. Second, it will be pretty easy to identify who's truly committed and who's not. Next, the intent of the message needs no translation. And, for those who are always too embarrassed to publicly demonstrate; you will be able to participate in the Campaign without ever having to show your face. Lastly, it won't be difficult at all to attract the interest of the news media, although some of those "on the spot" interviews may be a bit problematic.
Shoot, if we really get this going; we may be able to do a "serial drop" (like cascading dominoes) with "The Moon Beam" rippling up the Mall from the Lincoln Memorial to the Capitol steps. Congressman might want to come out to the Mall and make a few remarks at the tail end. Then again - maybe not. With a little practice we might even be able to form circles and do some of those major league-type waves. The possibilities are just endless!
One other option would be to expand the effort with a letter writing campaign. This might be particularly helpful with those Congressmen who keep saying: "I'm with you on interchange, but .... ". Well, if handwritten letters are so effective, just imagine the impact of several thousand hometown, constituent Polaroids "baring" the message: "Butt, what?" And, even Dan Mica in retirement could send a parting shot over to the retailers' lobbyists with a special - "Butt, out!" - message!
Well, what do you think of this end game strategy? Are you ready to drop everything and get behind this effort in a big way?
Since we're such nice folks; isn't it time to turn the other cheek?
Win or lose, at least the end will always be in sight.... End Durbin!!!!
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